10/5/15 - I was having a really hard day. I went to visit Wesley at his resting place and just talked to him for a couple of hours. The things I ended up saying to him brought me comfort and the ability to carry on with the rest of my day. Before I left I had to write down all of the things that I said to Wes so that I wouldn't forget it:

~"Heart must break for it to be healed. It's a sacrifice to our Lord."
~Even greater mother now
~Daddy so strong, best daddy. Good man. Deserves good loving wife. I will be. I can say sorry more. 
~Wes still brings me joy. 
~Baths in heaven? 

Wes loved bathtime <3

~Hope to share this blessed feelings w family when I am ready to share and when they are ready to receive. Share by example. 
~Be kind to my parents. 
~Be there for Kekoa i told wes i will. 
~So lucky. So blessed to have had the opportunity to spend every day with him.
~God loves me. He knew what it would take for me to notice him and so glad I did. This feeling i will no longer miss out on. His love i will no longer take for granted. 

~Pride got in the way. I always knew this was true church. [I wasn't] ready to give up "fun" stuff. But his blessing and this taste of happiness better than any substance. 
~Love is so strong. So powerful. Moves mountains. Could drain oceans. Love created this world. God loved us and helped us flourish. Its not perfect but its impressive. 
~Feels good to talk to wes. 
~Barrys mom. Help each other. 
~Exercise. Hard to get up n going but fresh air and talking to wes got me motivated. Exercise will make me feel good. 
~[I am] No [longer] questioning gospel. Mind is so open. [I] Have questions but not questioning or looking for flaws. Did not need evidence. It was pointed to me this church. And i trust and i follow and he continues to lead and point me in direction. 
~Still hard to seperate spirit from body cuz thats how i remember u. But feels good to feel close [when I am visiting the cemetery.]
~Elephant pumpkin for Halloween? 

Wesley's pumpkin

~Sorry i cried when casket went down. Just wanted to see and be apart of every moment with you just like i always have. 
~[Lord, please] Help me feel spirit of wes. I dont want him to be alone i would never abandon. But he knows that. He knows i would never leave him. 
~Kekoa needs us. Kekoa prepared me for motherhood. And i loved him alot. But wow when wessy came everything was in the back of my mind and wessy was my beautiful love. Mothers love i understand.
~Understand so many things now. People say these things because it has happened. It does happen. Tragedy does happen. And god is always there.

~Told wessy about me and daddy disagree about plots (I wanted to buy our graves already so we could have a spot close to Wes before someone else took them.) Bill wasn't ready and got upset that I kept pushing the idea on him when he has enough death on his mind. I disregarded his feelings because I wanted to buy them right away and didn't want to miss out on the promotion that they had for plots. So I also was upset with Bill because he couldn't understand how important it was to me. Then I just walked away and said a prayer. I asked Heavenly Father what should I do...and immediately a quote from President Thomas S. Monson came to my mind: "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."  I will always remember this quote and this moment when my prayer was immediately answered. I apologized to my husband right away and realized that he needed my support more than I needed to buy the plots near my son. I felt so much better as soon as I let the problem that needed to be solved go.

~Help daddy (Bill) help our family. Be nice and loving. Being strong is not easy esp for your spouse. And he is doing it. Big respect. So thankful. Never been more thankful. 
~Love is the answer.