Grief and How it Affects My Faith

It's been 58 days since Wesley has gone to Heaven and I'm still struggling. If you were to step into my mind you'd see a battle between my grief and my faith.  The other day, I read an article that almost mimicked my very thoughts.

Yes, I get angry with God sometimes...I usually have to quickly push that anger out of my thoughts because "I shouldn't think like that." I would worry that if I questioned Him it would be a great sin and my chances of getting into Heaven would be ruined.  But in truth sometimes I am angry, sometimes I do admit that one of my biggest fears is that none of this is true. That there is no afterlife, no heaven, no God, no chance of being with Wesley again...crazy right? But to me it's not that crazy.  The greatest desire in my heart is to be with my son again, so it makes sense that my biggest fear is that there is no hope left of being reunited...that when he took his last breath that that was literally the end.  I'm not saying that that's what I believe --I honestly don't know how people with no faith can live with no hope as their truth--but I do believe that the darkness planted that fear in my heart.  There may be times where my anger can cause my faith to be damaged but I do believe that the Lord reaches out to me and mends it.  This article helped me realize that it's totally normal and healthy to be angry and to let it out. The best thing I read was the advice this mother was given when someone told her, "God can take it. So tell Him how you're feeling." The article can be found here: http://powertochange.com/discover/faith/havefaith/